February 5, 2011

Rainy Day Blues

It has been raining here for two days, which I suppose is not so bad considering that the rest of the country is snowed in. Normally I really enjoy rainy dreary days where the family can cozy up inside the house and just be together. It's a great excuse to do a whole lot of nothing. Too bad one big part of the family is missing today. Him.

Aside from the 34 degree chilling rain, the day was perfect. My little boy made me a much anticipated heart during arts and crafts at school. I got the best smile, and the tightest hug as it was presented to me when I picked him up from class. For once he ate all of his meals, no fights or arguments. My baby ate well, was pleasant for most of the day until she got to tired to function. . . BED TIME!

Now that both kids are asleep, there is the cold, rainy night ahead of me. At first I was relieved to have the quiet time for myself, but now, while I sit here alone in the silence, bored with the tv, too tired to read, my mind too busy to sleep, I miss him terribly. Especially on a dreary night like this one. I miss his arms around me. I miss sipping our wine while our living room fills with the sounds of our laughter. I do not want to go upstairs to our empty bed alone. But I will.

Sure he isn't in harm's way. But he will be soon enough. It's what he's training for. He may not be deployed this time, but he sure is gone. He just left, and there is light at the end of this particular tunnel, but the fact that he's been in and out of the field since October has thrown my schedule, my routine, and the kids' out the window. I won't get a phone call, or a letter while he's out, nor will I expect one. I know better than that. I have to admit that this holding pattern we are in can now officially be classified as a rut.  I feel like we're going forward with out really going anywhere at all. I can only imagine how he feels.

So tonight I will write, and eventually I will make it upstairs to sleep alone in our bed. Maybe I'll find a good crappy movie to watch and fall asleep with the tv on. Tomorrow the rain is supposed to keep on coming, but there is an end in sight. My mind is beginning to quiet, so I suppose I'll head to bed. At least I get to sleep in the middle.

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